


Nine Days To Write

by WindyOakes



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Healing, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 02:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18651490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindyOakes/pseuds/WindyOakes
Summary: Summoner paces up and down her studies, unsure of what to write down in her journal about what has occurred. Her heart is heavy and she's not sure she can get the words out. After much thinking, she writes the timeline of the nine days leading up to Alfonse's death. Little did she know, they would be some of the last sane moments she has.





	Nine Days To Write

**Author's Note:**

> This is the Summoner's journal if the nine days in Fire Emblem Heroes Book 3 actually happened. Gustav doesn't save Alfonse in this one and he ultimately dies. She writes about what happened during those nine days as she is watching him deteriorate right in front of her eyes. This is some heavy angst, so be careful! Thank you for reading!

Aviana, the Summoner and soul provider of heroes, stood in the middle of her empty chambers staring at the journal that stared maliciously back at her. It held empty pages yearning to be written on and an ink bottle stood right next to it for the soul purpose. However, Aviana was hesitant. She questioned her ability to divulge what she was feeling to mere pages. Would she be able to put into words how anguished, how sorrowful, and how absolutely broken she was feeling into words?

Would she be able to pick the pieces of her back up just to write something down in a journal that no one would read? She stared at the door. Her friends full of good intentions told her to go to her chambers to work out her feelings on a page. She wasn’t talking to anyone and they, Anna, Sharena, and the rest of the heroes, thought it would do her well to get it down on page before she could articulate it to living beings. Aviana smiled at her friends’ thoughtfulness even though she was still reluctant.

After a while of the endless stare down between book and human, she finally gave up, sat down, and took up the quill.

In her journal she wrote of her pain.

 

Summoner’s Diary: Entry number, you know what,I don’t even care anymore.

 

At the beginning, when I first heard that we only had nine days, I felt determined. I mean, sure, there were tears streaming down my face as I was trying to hold Alfonse up, but I felt some sort of, I don’t know fighting spirit. Is that the right word? Something that wouldn’t let me give up so easy and it was a type of ferocity I have never felt before in my life. It welled up from within me. For some reason, I just knew that there had to be some way for us to be rid of the curse whether it be dark magic or some sort of old relic that we had to find.

Looking back it might have been a coping mechanism for what I knew was coming my way.

So, when we first got back to Askr castle on the first day, I headed straight to the library while the others tended to Alfonse who was already getting weaker by the second.

From that point on, I scoured every single book in the library regardless of what the topic was. I looked through books on dark magic, light magic, swords, ancient runes, different kinds of ancient rites and relics. Absolutely anything that I could get my hands on in an effort to find a cure for this damnable curse that Hel had put on Alfonse.

I even asked the heroes from the other worlds what their remedy would be for something like this in their worlds. But, everyone I talked to all came up with the same answer: they had never heard of someone surviving through a curse caused by a queen of an underworld and there was no cure. From Soren to Sakura to Robin they all said the same thing.

However, even after the endless bad answers I received, I wouldn’t give up. I couldn’t give up when it meant Alfonse’s life was on the line.

But as the days started to add up, my hope and my spirits fell lower than I could have ever imagined.

On the third day Alfonse lost his ability to walk and was permanently bed ridden in our chambers. That was when I started to dedicate most of my time watching him and keeping him company as the curse took over his body. I read him stories, told him of what I found in the library, talked to him about daily events, and fed him. He thanked me every time I did something for him. It always left me wondering if he knew that he didn’t need to thank me every time, but I guess that was the only thing that he could do when his health was deteriorating.

Something that impressed me and made me feel guilty was that he always smiled for me even when he was struggling to stay alive. He never let me leave, on the rare occasion that I did, without him reminding me that he loved me with every part of his being or giving me one last smile. He was reassuring me as if I was the one dying and he was in the best shape he has ever been in in his life.

Those smiles and his profession of love for me made me feel a slight twinge of happiness in the chaos that surrounded me. However, the amount of guilt I felt always outweighed the happiness and I would always end up crying whenever I left his sight. I never let him see how distraught I was.  
But I wondered every night as I was laying in the other room if he ever knew.

When the fourth and fifth day rolled around he started to cough up blood and I had to help lift his head whenever he had to eat or drink. He was weak and I could see as the curse tore at his muscles, marked his face with blackened veins, and caused sweat to bead on his face. This was also when he started to become more panicky and paranoid. He would always ask me if I was still there even when I hadn’t moved from my spot in hours. I always answered with the sweetest voice and gently caressed his cheek. He would always take my hand and kiss it and never let go as if I were the very thing holding him to this earth.

I started to not move from my spot in the chair next to him and often times I would fall asleep with my hand in his and my head on the bed. Sometimes, he startled me awake with a scream of pain as his very being fought against him. Sometimes, when I woke up, I could feel his hand ever so slightly stroke my hair in his efforts to let me know that even though his body was deteriorating right before him that his heart was still strong.

But, I already knew.

I already knew that his love was unwavering and that he was still the strongest person that I had ever met in my life! And I let him know. I let him know that my heart was still with his and that he was all I had connecting me to this world. I let him know that no matter what fate would bring him in the next couple of days that I would always be right there by his side. No matter what.

The sixth and seventh days came and there was still no cure. Throughout the week I had people searching endlessly for any sort of relic, spell, or potion that would help me win this fight against Hel. But all was fruitless and nothing popped up. These were the days that Alfonse could no longer open his eyes and could barely speak.  
I knew at this point, as he laid there motionless, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about his state. I couldn’t do anything to open his eyes, to see his smile, or to hear his voice ever again.

And when I noticed that I broke down. I felt so incredibly helpless and useless. This shouldn’t have been happening to the one that I loved the most. I should have protected him and stepped in front of the curse when it was meant for him and shot Hel in her freaking face. I told all of this to Alfonse but of course he told me as sternly as he could to not blame myself for his shortcomings. He was always so nice and so kind about it. It was that much more unfair that he was dying right in front of me.

When Alfonse fell asleep, I started to pray to every god there was for mercy on his soul and mine. I wanted them to relieve us of the curse somehow and to make everything happy again. But, somehow I knew that even that power was too much for a god.

Along with praying to them, I scorned them for forsaking us in our time of need. Where were they when we needed to deflect the curse? Where were they when Gustav tore us a new one? Where were when we needed them to save us?

I couldn’t find the answers to these questions and it frustrated me to no end.

By the eighth day, Alfonse was too weak to speak or move and the black veins that had marked his body before spread even more. He was still responsive, but all he could do was lay there and take what the world was giving him. This was when my heart truly broke. We were both helpless in a fight we knew we couldn’t win. We couldn’t do anything but sit and watch. However, I didn’t leave him and even though he couldn’t speak, I sang to him sweet songs we used to sing.

It was my last ditch effort to remedy the pain.

On the morning of the ninth day, I woke up and looked around frantically. Alfonse was still there, but his body, my gods his body, it was gaunt, covered in black veins, and his breathing was shallow. All I could do was watch and whisper sweet nothings to him and lies I knew would never come to fruition. The whole day I did that while tears were already streaming down my face. “It’s going to be alright.” I said to him while grasping tightly onto his hand, “Don’t you worry sweetie.”  
His face was contorted in an expression of pain the whole day and I didn’t even know if he could hear what I was saying.

I stayed like this for a while, without the slightest clue of what to do. Maybe it was all I could do as he was slowly fading away from me.

When it became evening, Alfonse stirred. He tightly grasped onto my hand and started to whisper something to me really slowly and I listened intently for what it might be because I somehow knew they were the last words I’d ever hear from him. “Don’t forget…I love you…with all my heart...” He whispered. And with those words, with those words his hand no longer held any strength to grasp so tightly onto my hand, his chest stopped moving, and his face changed expressions from one of pain to one of peace.

After that, I couldn’t remember much. It was all a blur and my heart was too filled with sadness to hold onto one point in time to well. All I remember was screaming the word “why” at the top of my lungs and trying to hold onto Alfonse even though people were trying to tear me away.  
Why did that heartless bitch have to take him from me? Why? I couldn’t understand how someone could be so evil that they would take away someone’s life with no reasoning or rhyme behind it. I was so confused and so heart broken.

That night, I went to bed in a separate room by myself. I dreamt that Alfonse was still with me and that we were simply enjoying tea on one of the many valleys of Aksr. It was such a joyous dream that I almost believed it. But when I woke up Alfonse wasn’t there. My bed was cold. Empty. Dead. I had nothing to hold onto or to help me get rid of this awful heartache that I had. I had no one and it hurt to know that he wasn’t there and he would never be there ever again. There would be no more slow dancing in the castle or sending each other little notes of our love or proposing to each other. All of it was gone.

But when I remembered what this curse was truly all about, I would get even angrier. It was all because of a grudge two royals had. It was because that of grudge everyone was so empty. I was so empty.

I felt.

I feel so hopeless.

How am I supposed to summon anyone else?

Anyone?

Alfonse?

Please.

After writing the last day, Aviana dropped the quill in her hand and balled her hands into tiny little fists. Tears were streaming down her face in copious amounts and her whole entire body was shaking with anguish and denial. She couldn’t believe he was gone. Alfonse was gone for a little more than a month and there was nothing she could do. Her whole world had turned upside down that day as it became more relevant to the people around her she was slowly breaking down.

This moment. The moment where she was writing down everything was one of her last sane moments before she lost her entire army to Hel and she was truly left alone.

Losing Alfonse was only the beginning of her descent into despair.


End file.
